| babe, he said.
and my stomach sank into his unsatisfied tone.
the ocean's too big, he said.
and i closed my eyes.
cause nothing's ever good enough.
nothing's ever anything, enough.
and we stood staring off into an open space
that wasn't so empty,
but it was too big.
and i'm too disconnected to care.
and i thought, maybe i should feel something.
and i thought, maybe i'm supposed to care.
but nothing's ever good enough.
nothing's ever anything, enough.
and i sat there contemplating.
and he sat there contemplating.
and then, we just turned and walked away.
in opposite directions, away, from each other.
because the ocean was too big,
and i couldn't care.
and nothing was ever good enough.
nothing is ever anything, enough.
-----------------------
assembling pieces in timely fashion,
logically assessing colors and shapes
to fit them together as one.
start out simple...fewer bits, easy shapes, bold colors.
change is subtle.
become more and more alike
and grow much smaller
til you can hardly tell them apart.
mostly because you can't really see
and now the pieces don't ever seem to quite fit...
exactly.
but it's always been easy for me to fit them
to wrap my brain around the confusion
and put it into order, logically, organize.
don't really have to think at all...it just...happens.
but because i don't think, i don't really feel.
its boring
unexciting
colorless and dull.
and somehow, that's impressive?
[to the mundane]
and there are moments where i lose my train of thought
and the pieces scatter
and maybe a couple will fall to the floor
and in my hurry to collect them all
a flash of vibrance overcomes me.
my cheeks will flush in the excitement.
and it's these moments of confusion
where the puzzle just doesn't fit,
these are the moments that i wait for.
because they remind me what it's like to feel.
remind me what it's like to be.
and in those moments,
i lose the interest of the onlookers,
because they feel as if i've failed.
they are unimpressed because i couldn't hold it together,
and all i can think is...
thank God you've finally looked away...
[because now i can relax,
with your eyes unfocused
i'm finally allowed to just
be]
|
